Forgive Me
by Madam Mare
Summary: C/O. One of us would just storm out and the next day we would apologize and pretend like the fight didn’t happen. Step two on our downward spiral.


Title: Forgive Me  
Fandom: Law & Order: SVU  
Characters: Casey/Olivia  
Category: Angst  
Rating: PG  
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing...although I won't object to being subpoenaed by Casey if people don't believe me!  
Summary: One of us would just storm out and the next day we would apologize and pretend like the fight didn't happen. Step two on our downward spiral.  
Note: Inspired by the song, "Forgive Me" by C-Note. Listen to it…it's a beautiful song! This turned out completely different that I had imagined that it would, and once again I had to fight like hell to get an ending on this that to me is just okay.

XXXX

You can't ignore it anymore. I know you feel it too. Those were my last words to you; all the fight was lost from my voice. Those were the words that shattered your soul as well as mine. We used to lie in bed with just our body heat to keep us warm. It kept me warm until about six weeks ago. I just felt cold; empty even, when I was with you. I know you felt the change in me but you never said anything. That's when I knew for sure.

We started fighting, a lot. I would always find the littlest detail to focus our fight on, and you fired back with all eight cylinders. When you fight with that much passion, the make up sex should be great, right? And it was at first. It was better than great; I don't think words could describe it. But then the making up stopped. One of us would just storm out and the next day we would apologize and pretend like the fight didn't happen. Step two on our downward spiral.

When I used to think about us, that cheesy song from Shrek always popped into my head. Accidentally In Love. That we were, from day one. You bit my head off and I was sunk like the Titanic. You were hurt and on the defensive from Alex leaving, and I was always a sucker for beautiful, yet damaged goods. We fell into bed together easily, probably too easily. At first we both agreed that it was an accident and that it couldn't happen again. That excuse got old about the tenth time we tried it. So then it was just a friends with benefits thing, no feelings allowed. That only lasted as long as it took for Alex to reappear. I fully admit that I was jealous and I guess it showed. You came to me and used the L-word. I used it back, and I'm sure at the time we meant it. I did love you. Hell, I was crazy about you. But the more you love a person, the deeper you hurt them. I never meant to hurt you; that I can promise you with my whole heart. Another downward loop added onto the spiral.

A lone tear slid down your cheek. You sounded lost and you asked me if what we had was worth fighting for. I couldn't answer you. Walking away from you then nearly killed me. It still kills me being apart from you, but maybe that's what we needed. To be apart. Gain proper prospective and all that shit. Walking away without looking back, another stomach turning loop downwards.

When Elliot called me, I was expecting a run down of what he had for a warrant. I never expected the hitched breathing, the panic in his voice when he told me I should get down to Angel of Mercy right away. In that second I went numb, I couldn't speak, couldn't hear, and couldn't think. I guess that's when Munch showed up. I know he was trying to speak to me, but I couldn't focus no matter how hard I tried. I don't remember getting into his sedan, or the drive down here, but when I saw you I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and put through a shredder. The corridor was filled with all sorts of uniforms and department heads, and you had all sorts of doctors and nurses surrounding you. You were covered in blood, your favorite shirt that was cut from your body lay in a heap on the floor, your normally tan skin was deathly pale, but it was your eyes that shocked me the most. They were glassed over, and seemed so empty. I stumbled into Elliot and he led me over to a hard plastic chair. His words sounded garbled. Suspect. Raid. Shoot out. Two rounds. My brain tried to make sense of it. I looked down at Elliot's bloodstained hands clasped in mine and I prayed to God that this was some sort of horrible nightmare. When I heard the nurse frantically call a code blue, I knew that it was real. This was worse than a nightmare. This is the downward loop that crashed me into the ground with a bone jarring impact.

They got you stabilized enough for surgery and by some miracle you made it through. Doctors say you lost a lot of blood, and when you crashed you were without oxygen for a while. They had to crack your chest to get your heart beating again. They don't know if you will wake up, or if you do wake up if you will be all right. You have to wake up because there is so much that I want to say to you. I need to apologize to you. I just hope that when you do wake up, you can forgive me for things I said that we both knew I didn't mean. I know I'll forgive you, if you would only just wake up.

Looking at all the downward spirals drawn out on a piece of paper some could see it as a masterpiece, a work of art. Others may see just a senseless scribble. I know that if you saw it, you would find the beauty in it. You always did.

"I'm sorry. Please wake up," I whisper as I lay my head next to our joined hands, and fall into a restless sleep.

I see you in my sleep and even though I hear someone calling my name I don't want to wake up, I fight it with everything in me, clinging to the last remnants of sleep as if it's a life preserver in a stormy ocean, and when I break through to the surface of consciousness whoever woke me up better have a damn good excuse.

"Casey?"

I freeze. It can't be.

"Case?"

The sound is softer than silk, sweeter than sugar, and one hundred percent you. You came back to me. I look at you, tears shining in my eyes.

"I forgive you."

Finito!


End file.
